Identity as We Travel

Unveiling identity through our decisions

A portrait of self-awareness, MC Escher 1935

Identifying with the rationale for our decisions is a robust and reliable method of understanding ourselves.

Somewhat by chance, I stumbled upon this after resigning from my job to pursue travel and writing. Living in Tokyo, guzzling ramen, flinching at the epileptogenic monsoon that is Shibuya, jobless, language-less, writing as much as I could. 

Living the dream!

Despite the setup, one pesky question kept following me around, lingering, like afternoon shadows that stretch and grope more at the pavement as night approaches: “So, what do you do back home?”

It’s the second or third question whenever you meet someone. And fair enough, it strikes at the core, imbuing ideas of passion, interest, hobby, temperament, wit, and of course, status.

We're all familiar with it, for better or worse.

And yet, this was the first time I had nothing to show, instead, just a jobless guy who was trying to write. Reactions ranged from emphatic encouragement to apprehensive approval. 

Many were confused. And for the first time, so was I.

Self-identifying without the neat box of occupation is difficult, I came to find. Exacerbating the issue, I was without childhood friends, family, a familiar environment, or a shared language and culture - I was in the throes of a self-imposed diaspora.

I’m an alien baby!

I spent hours wondering exactly how I fit into this foreign land I found myself in and, with an increasingly probing sense of inquiry, how exactly I belonged within myself.

Who am I?

At some point near the end of my stay, I realised that I had already answered it many times - that same sentence which I had come to say almost reflexively when I met someone:

“I quit my job to travel and write.”

Within that statement is someone who made decisions, the very thing that requires deep reflection and understanding of oneself, and ultimately, the concoction of our very own philosophy. Where else would such fertile ground for identity lie? Let's take a look:

I quit my job to travel and write, because, I’m acutely aware of the preciousness of life, and believe it should be experienced to its fullest. This means throwing myself way out of my comfort zone, embracing inevitable mistakes as learning opportunities, and most importantly, relentlessly pursuing a career that ignites my passion.

Suddenly I have a robust, entirely sensical, and befitting identity to attach myself to. And why wouldn’t I? They are my decisions, after all.

It was a significant move, to leave home as I did, but the bigger the decision, the more you is in there.

Perhaps you feel confident of the neat box you find yourself in, toiling away for some time now, earning more money than your peers, a job with a lofty title, a hard drive composed almost solely of Excel spreadsheets. It’s easy to attach ourselves to these accolades, yet they are only the slight lappings on the water’s surface, symptoms of a current that runs far deeper: 

The desire to provide a stable house for your children, to create something that has utility to the broader community, to bust your ass at something creative because you wanted to bring something truly novel into the world.

“Don’t read a book by its cover!”

Yes, even so for ourselves - delving deeper unearths richer ground, importantly, foundations that are more robust and reliable, the exact thing you can lean on in moments of disarray or doubt - or if you quit your job to go travelling.

These things are you. Certainly, more than a title or monetary value in a high-interest savings account could ever be. Hint: they’re all fictional anyway.

The title of this piece harks to my experience travelling, yet simultaneously refers to the sojourn of life, all of its ups and downs, the ebbs and flows. A robust and reliable identity is essential as we travel this journey, so, go ahead, look at those big decisions and ask, why?